Failure to Fight Fate
by mistress amethyst une
Summary: Kathryn falls ill and becomes prone to violent outbursts. Chakotay weathers the emotional storms but how long can he stand against her repressed hatred and the inevitability of losing her? -Ignore Epilogue unless you want a crappy Reset Button ending-
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine.

**Author's Note: **My response to Singing Violin's challenge.

**Failure to Fight Fate**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Chapter 1**

They should have known better. It was all too good to last. Such utter bliss… Ten years of unimaginable happiness after Voyager reached home. All their dreams came to fruition. A few years were spent rekindling their old romance and, after that, marriage swiftly followed. Nobody could have wished for a better union. After the seven years they had spent wandering the Delta Quadrant, they thought that fate was finally rewarding them for having weathered so many trials together. Who knew that the happiness they had grown accustomed to for so long could be snatched away so quickly? In the admiral's time line, their romance had been doomed. Fate was not so kind as to aid those who messed with its web. It had humored them by letting them taste happiness for as long as it could. Now, it was time for the salt of tears to permeate. Destiny would be fulfilled. It was unavoidable. Fate almost wished it wasn't.

It had started with an assassination attempt a month after she and Chakotay had begun their retirement. She had been hit in the head with a shock of some sort and, despite a few days worth of headaches, there seemed to be no adverse effects. The assailant was never caught but, seeing that she was fine, it almost seemed a non-issue. Then it began...

It progressed slowly. Snappy remarks she'd immediately take back saying she had no idea what would possess her to say such things slowly turned into slapping, biting and scratching until it finally escalated to episodes of rage and randomly lashing out at people she cared about. She would then hold her head in agony and weep wondering out loud what was turning her into such a horrible person.

The Doctor could find nothing wrong with her and neither could any physicians. Counselors said she was under stress but nothing she hadn't handled before, nothing that could trigger such intense bursts of emotion. She was ill, that was certain. But what ailed her, no one knew. And as long as no one knew, things could only get worse.

Her worst outburst to date occurred on the day Chakotay would grow to consider the worst day of his life. After a particularly violent and random fit of rage that came out of nowhere, she'd grabbed a kitchen knife and tried to stab him. He managed to pin her down and wrestle the knife away from her but not before the force of his takedown had knocked her head against the hardwood floor. Her head bled as she seemed to regain her senses.

"Thank you…" she said weakly. She touched her fingers to her own lips before gently pressing the kiss on her hand against his mouth to halt his apology. Tears streamed down his face as she closed her eyes. He carried her to their hover car and hurriedly drove to the nearest hospital. If she died now, he knew in his heart that he might as well die too. The thought of being the one to kill her, of being the one to kill Kathryn after he'd so desperately tried to protect her from her own madness, tore through him sharper than the knife she'd intended to stab him with ever could have.

She lay unconscious for three days. To Chakotay, it seemed much longer. Every second she didn't stir was sheer torture yet he bore it and sat at her bedside, holding the hand that had always expressed such affection for him. Laying on his shoulder to give encouragement, touching his cheek to make her affection known, firmly holding his head in place as they indulged in sweet kisses… The same hand that had grabbed a knife and tried to hack to pieces the heart that loved her so much. He was still in shock at what she'd done but he knew very well that she didn't do it out of her own volition. To think that she'd thanked him for causing her bodily harm, for almost killing her to save himself.

"Damn martyr," he muttered under his breath wondering if he was referring to her or to himself.

When her eyes finally fluttered open, the gaze that greeted him was cold, almost menacing. No, this wasn't Kathryn. Her madness was in possession of her and there was nothing he could do but weather another outburst. He was just lucky that the drugs kept her in a mildly sedated state and she was in no shape to launch another attack on him.

"I hate you," she said in a voice that was both her own and someone else's entirely, "Some husband you are… An utter failure. You couldn't even give me children. I should have killed you. Worthless…"

He took her biting criticism in stride. It was all somehow true. They had waited too long to have children and her biological clock had run out on her. He blamed himself for that. He knew he had no control over her body but it was he who had insisted that they wait a couple of years before having children. A couple of years proved to be a couple of years too late. Kathryn had seemed to take everything in stride. She only showed mild disappointment and even joked that the universe had probably had enough of them and didn't want them reproducing more of themselves to run around and wreak havoc on the cosmos.

"_I guess the two of us are meant for just here and now," she had said with such pride._

Her madness showed another side. Bitterness and resentment… It made sense. She held in her sadness out of love with him. Uninhibited, she didn't consider his feelings and he could hear the truth of her raw feelings as they would be if unmarred by affection.

Her eyes had regained their usual kind glow and welled up with tears, "I didn't mean it…"

He shook his head, "Kathryn, you did and you know it. All this time, you endured all that. I knew it but I refused to see."

She began to shake with the force of her sobbing, "No… I was fine with it. I-I love you. And as long as you're happy, I'm content. Chakotay, please don't listen to me when I ramble like that. I-I don't want to lose you over a few words that were never meant to be spoken."

"Just now, you said you were content as long as I was happy. Content… You didn't say you were happy too. Now I'm beginning to understand the Admiral from ten years ago. You're turning into her. You're content just to be content. She was content to let me marry Seven thinking I'd be happy with another woman and you were content to suffer without a child just to humor me and my cold feet."

"After what Seska did to you, I understood your hesitation about the idea. I was just trying to give you the choice."

"It was your choice too. I told you that."

"I just wanted you to be happy."

"Look at us now, Kathryn! Do I seem happy to you? Knowing that I hurt you like this? Before you decide to play the martyr, think about the one you're making the sacrifice for. Maybe he'd like to crucify himself for your sake once in awhile."

He left the room and stood outside the door as her sobs grew progressively louder. Why was he letting this tear them apart like this?

"She told such beautiful lies," he thought to himself as he fell to his knees and wondered how they could go on like this.

**OOO**

**Author's Note: **So there's the first chapter of my response to Singing Violin's challenge. I admit, I've never written anything this full of angst before. Ever. I love happy endings and my sad endings almost always end up feeling contrived and forced. At least to me… I can only hope I did Singing Violin's idea justice and that this pleased you enough to merit your desire for another chapter. I admit, I'm very skeptical about my work on this and I can only hope I pull it off without offending readers with my amateur approach. By the way, I don't have a beta and English isn't my first language so pardon any grammatical errors. If anyone would like to beta for me, I would be more than a little grateful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine.

**Author's Note: **My response to Singing Violin's challenge. Chapter 2 answers the technology query.

**Failure to Fight Fate**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Chapter 2**

It wasn't like technology couldn't have aided them but Kathryn was stubborn. She had wanted to carry the child in her own womb rather than let a surrogate bear the pregnancy for her.

_"It just wouldn't feel right to give another woman the burden. I wouldn't feel that the child was truly mine. I don't know. It's difficult for me to explain... I've always wanted to carry a piece of you within me and, to give someone else that privilege would be like giving that dream to someone else. Right now, I probably sound like a jealous fool to you but I don't know how else to make you comprehend. Forgive my selfishness but carrying a new life you and I will create together is a duty I'd like solely for myself. If I can't have that, I'd rather not have a child at all. I just wouldn't feel like it belonged to me. I wouldn't do it justice." _

_"What about Miral and Naomi? Icheb? You always cared for them as you would have your own."_

_"They were Voyager's children and as Q so eloquently put it, I 'played mommy' to the whole crew, not just the little ones. You have no idea how I secretly envied Samantha and B'Elanna for having the privilege and duty of being mothers. To be invariably linked by blood and womb to a creature made between the love of you and another... I never thought that would ever be my fondest wish but after getting the crew home and, in a sense, losing my children, I've felt this undeniable longing. I don't blame you, Chakotay. I understand your reason for having hesitated but the chance isn't entirely lost to me so you need not torture yourself." _

_"Kathryn, all the doctors we've consulted have said the same thing. Normally, a woman at your age could still carry a child with the proper treatment. Your body... Well, the Delta Quadrant left battle scars. All that abuse you put yourself through during those seven years has weakened you. Pregnancy would kill you."_

_Then she'd said something that scared him..._

_"Would that be so bad?"_

_"Kathryn..."_

_"Chakotay, I'm not getting any younger and, as you said, the Delta Quadrant has left its mark on me. Everyday, I face the possibility of death. It's no secret that there are people out to get me. If I were to die, wouldn't it make it easier on you to know that you had somebody else to live for?"_

_He tried to protest but she hushed him with a well-meaning stare._

_"Before you respond, think carefully. I need to be going. Tom and B'Elanna are expecting to see me in an hour. I'll be right back so just sit tight. I wasn't exactly expecting such a deep discussion at the breakfast table so forgive my curtness."_

_She smiled as she got up to go and prepare for her outing. That was the day she'd received that horrible shock to the head... _

After that, they had quit speaking of children. If anything good had come of her madness, it was that they no longer had time to discuss that particular problem. That was, of course, until her madness itself brought it up again and forced them to face the issue they had hoped to leave behind forever.

Within a week, she made a full recovery from the head trauma he'd inadvertently inflicted. When they reached home, they acted like the argument in her hospital room had never happened although he could see that she was still visibly disturbed by it. They couldn't worry about that right now. A much bigger cloud hung over their heads.

The Doctor had paid them a visit the day following the argument to tell them of his findings concerning Kathryn's condition. They were hoping he'd found a cure or at least a drug to help stave off the outbursts. The news wasn't the ray of hope they were expecting...

_"Captain Chakotay, do you mind if we step out into the hall for a bit?"_

_Kathryn interrupted, "If you're going to tell him something about my illness, you might as well tell me as well. I don't want to be left out of the equation. It's my future."_

_"But Admiral-"_

_"Doctor, anything you can tell my husband, you can most certainly tell me. I'm going to die. That's it, isn't it?"_

_The Doctor's face seemed to hesitate then nodded in dismay under the strain of the glare she threw him. Chakotay was in shock, to say the least. He stood stoically trying to prepare himself to digest what he was about to hear. _

_"It's a fair hypothesis that her outbursts will continue to escalate but, if my latest observations are accurate, there are more far-reaching consequences. It seems that every time she has one of these attacks, she weakens considerably. It's like these emotions are draining the very life out of her." _

_"How long do I have left?" asked Kathryn in as calm a voice as she could muster_

_"We don't know," replied the Doctor, "It all depends on the force and frequency of these outbursts. Could be tomorrow, could be next year. For sure, your lifespan has been drastically curtailed. You could die any day."_

Chakotay had been beside himself with grief when he'd heard those words and seen the pained look in her eyes. She was a slave to fate and the feeling of powerlessness overwhelmed them both as her eyes welled up with tears. He embraced her as she sobbed in his arms.

_'You could die any day...' _

Kathryn had broken down when she'd heard the Doctor announce her fate. She wasn't afraid of dying. She was afraid of what her death would do to her husband. She remembered the look on his face the day he'd asked her about getting a surrogate to carry their child. How his eyes had registered pure sadness when she'd mentioned that she wouldn't mind dying to carry their child... If she perished, he would die too. Their lives were intertwined beyond separation. Her death would be his undoing.

"But what can I do?" she mused, "As much as I don't want to drag him down to the grave with me, he'd follow anyway. That's just the way he is."

As she slowly fell back on her daily routine, she carried one very selfish yet comforting thought, "At least, if I die before him, I won't have my heart torn to pieces. God knows, I'm not half as strong as he is in that aspect. He would wait for death to claim him before joining me in the ground. Bear all the pain of living without me until he finally succumbed... I'd probably take a phaser rifle and blow my brains out if I saw him die."

She was no longer sure who spoke in her thoughts: Kathryn or her madness which grew stronger by the day. All she was certain of was the fact that whoever it was had an agonizingly sharp view of the painful truth she had no way of escaping.

And so they continued trying to salvage the little happiness they could. Chakotay was a man obsessed. For months on end he tended to her and she noted his fatigue. He'd lost an immense amount of weight and had little to no desire to eat. He barely slept and refused to leave her side. It was as if she was the only thing keeping him bound to his corporeal form. That if she slipped away, he would fade into oblivion...

_"Every moment counts. I could lose you any day..."_

Her outbursts would send him on an emotional roller coaster that drove him to extremes. She was horrified at what her illness was doing to her husband. She was killing him.

**OOO**

**Author's Note: **I edited the heck out of this although there may be some errors lingering about in there. I just hope I'm being consistent with the continuity I established in the first chapter. Reviews would be appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine.

**Author's Note: **My response to Singing Violin's challenge. Last part?

**Failure to Fight Fate**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Chapter 3**

"Go to sleep," she pleaded with him.

She'd weakened further since her last outburst. Now bedridden, Kathryn had a much harder time convincing her husband to rest. He insisted on watching her nod off and was always at her side. She had no idea as to whether or not he slept anymore. Before she drifted off, he would be there, eyes wide open yet weary, looking at her with so much sorrow and apparently wondering whether her nap would take her into a dream from which she would never wake. When she opened her eyes, he'd greet her with a smile that expressed nothing but utmost relief despite how tired he was. In both instances, he would be more haggard then the last time she had looked upon him. He refused all her invitations to rest.

"I'll sleep when you doze off," he insisted.

She was unconvinced, "You're not fooling me. You haven't slept a wink since I've been confined to this bed."

"I've taken a few short naps."

"Chakotay, it's been five days and you aren't exactly in top shape. 'A few short naps' isn't going to cut it."

"I'll manage."

She shook her head and sighed, "Lie down with me."

She drew back the covers and noted that he was about to argue. Arching an eyebrow she put on her best command voice, "Do I have to make that an order, Commander?"

For the first time in days, he laughed slightly and recalled their days on Voyager, "Aye, Captain. It is Captain, right?"

"Of course," she smiled as he crawled into bed with her and wrapped his arms around her waist, "No matter what Starfleet calls us, you'll always be my first officer. My helping hand through everything..."

They lay face to face as he gripped her tighter to him, "And you'll always be my Captain... To whom I pledge my undying loyalty."

He kissed her forehead and, together, they closed their eyes and drifted off into the tempestuous waters of sleep knowing very well that they were treading the fine line between life and death. Both weak, they clung to each other as they slumbered. Her hand rested on his side and he maintained a tight grip on her body, seemingly aware that entering the land of dreams was one path to disappearing forever. Both so unwilling to let go...

Death refused to be thwarted and finally pulled them apart. After months of struggling against oblivion, one of their bodies was more then eager to surrender its soul to eternal rest. A hand gently slid from where it had once firmly held their embrace. One of them slackened within that final loving gesture and was gone as the other lay unaware in the arms of one who had been claimed by the inevitable. Slowly, the other body grew cold and stiffened. The one who slept would awaken to the nightmare of being held by a lifeless shell that had bristled with life just hours ago. Chakotay had perished clinging to the woman he loved most. In wanting to make every remaining moment of her life count, he'd cut his own existence short.

Kathryn opened her eyes. Still face to face with Chakotay she smiled before realizing how cold he was. Shivering, she put her palm to his chest to feel the rhythm of his heart and the rise and fall of his breaths. The silent stillness made her gasp.

"No..."

She quickly extricated herself from his embrace. She screamed and balled her hands into fists desperately pounding on him, trying to wake him up...

As she wept, her grief robbed her of all sense, "How can you leave me like this? You can't do this to me!"

Just hours ago, he was alive and had even laughed and kissed her. This just wasn't right.

She continued raging at him, desperately pushing at his body and pounding on his chest, "I wasn't supposed to see you die!"

She attempted CPR but found that she couldn't get his mouth to open. Rigor mortis had already begun to set in...

"Didn't you tell me we needed every moment because I could go any day?" she said as she pushed on his chest and blew air upon cold lips that refused to give her entrance, "You can't leave me to die alone...Y-you promised!"

_That day when she'd been told that she would no longer be able to leave her bed without harming her frail body, he'd sat at her bedside and taken her hands in his._

_"Chakotay, what's going to happen to me now?"_

_The look in his eyes mirrored the pain she was feeling. _

_"Whatever happens, you won't face it alone. I'll be here," he'd said with a slight tremble in his tone, "I won't let anything happen to you..."_

_"You won't let me die alone, right?"_

_"Kathryn, you're not going to die..."_

_She wasn't about to hear it. She had accepted her fate a long time ago,"Chakotay, promise me. Promise me I won't die alone. Promise me you'll be with me until the end. To hold my hand before I slip away..."_

_He shook his head, "Kathryn, can we not-"_

_"Promise me!"_

_He finally nodded even as tears filled his eyes in accepting that he really might have to watch her die, "I promise..."_

"You liar! You promised me..."

The tears refused to stop flowing as the very life seemed to leak out of her with the intensity of her grief, "You can't leave me like this..."

She looked up to the ceiling as if hoping to see Death itself hovering with her husband's soul in its grasp, "Give him back… He wasn't even sick. He just needed a little rest. That was it. Give him back. I'm the one you're supposed to take!"

Not knowing what else to do, she bawled openly and rolled off the bed only to crash to the floor. Her legs were too weak to carry her. Pounding on the carpeted surface, she threw a tantrum that would rival any child's. Using the little strength she had left, she dragged herself out the bedroom. She was thankful for the open door and stopped as the top stair of the winding staircase greeted her.

A few years ago, Chakotay had fallen down these very same stairs. That fall was under much happier circumstances and she even recalled how he had laughed as she tended to his injuries.

"_Honestly, Kathryn, I didn't expect such a grand gesture for our anniversary."_

_She smiled as she ran a regenerator over his sprained ankle, "How could I have known you would have slipped on the trail?"_

_She kissed him gently, "I thought a trail of rose petals was the perfect romantic cliché."_

"_You must have used up an entire florist's shop's supply covering those stairs. Who knew rose petals could be so slippery?"_

_She chuckled, "You exaggerate. If anything, you were just clumsy. And I hardly sprinkled any on the stairs, dear. Compared to what I have waiting for us in the bathtub, I'd say I only wasted an even dozen on that trail you so carelessly stumbled on."_

_He practically beamed, "Can't wait to get back on my feet then…"_

_She laughed, "You ankle's all done. I'll be waiting upstairs. Try not to trip this time…"_

Tears streamed down her face as she prepared to fling herself down that same flight of stairs. Desperately crawling to the edge of the first step to prepare her weak body for a fatal tumble, she heard the sound of their front door being flung open. A visitor, perhaps…

"Someone to find us," she thought as she inched closer to her death.

And then there was darkness…

**OOO**

**Author's Note:** Leaving it ambiguous as to whether she managed to fling herself down the stairs or not. I could end it right here but that wouldn't be very nice of me, would it?


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine.

**Author's Note: **My response to Singing Violin's challenge. I actually wrote the Epilogue before I wrote this chapter. The Epilogue contains a happy ending and I went through hell making it work. I think it's crappy though so I'm only posting that if you guys aren't satisfied with the ending given here and somehow convince me you really want it. Honestly, I'm not too confident about that piece of writing so bear with my insecurity.

**Failure to Fight Fate**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Chapter 4**

Tom and B'Elanna had dropped by for their weekly visit to the home of their former command team. Seeing that no one answered the door, they assumed the worst and let themselves in. They were far from prepared for the sight that greeted them.

The first floor of the house was in pristine order. As if no one had been down there in ages... Ascending the stairs, B'Elanna gasped and nearly fell off-kilter at the sight of her former captain lying just a few inches away from the top stair. Kathryn had lost consciousness before she could fling herself down the steps though one of her hands reached far enough to dangle on the edge of the stair as testament to how close she had been to succeeding. B'Elanna flipped her onto her back and noted the shallow rise and fall of her breaths. She checked Kathryn's pulse and was disturbed at how weak it was,

"Tom!"

Tom rushed to his wife's side and was equally aghast, "Wasn't Chakotay supposed to be watching her?"

"Yes. Something must have happened. Go check the bedroom while I carry her down to the hover car."

With much effort, B'Elanna carried Kathryn's body down the stairs. After loading her into the backseat of the hover car, she returned to the house only to find Tom blocking the entrance. He was trembling, as if desperately trying to contain an intense emotion begging to come out.

"Tom, what is it?"

He shook his head, "You don't want to go in there. I've called the proper authorities and it's best that we just leave and take her to a hospital now."

She was both puzzled and distraught, "What is it?"

Her eyes widened with realization, "Something happened to Chakotay..."

Tom finally let the flood of tears flow, "He's dead."

It was all she could do not to break down right then and there but she needed to stay strong if they were going to be able to do anything for Kathryn. She just had one question to ask before attempting to revert to a mask of efficiency.

"Any idea how he died?" she asked as she too began shaking with the effort to suppress her grief. She clenched her fists and was sure she'd end up making her palms bleed from the intensity at which she was having her fingernails dig crescent shaped indentations into them.

"I found a medkit," said Tom, trying to keep his tone even, "From what I saw based on the medical tricorder, he died in his sleep from a mild stroke. Stress finally caught up with him..."

B'Elanna struggled to calm herself, "I see. So the authorities will take care of that..."

She attempted to comfort Tom, "You need to snap out of it. We'll have to deal with this later. For now, Kathryn needs us. We've lost him and I seriously doubt he'd want us to sit here grieving while his wife dies."

Tom nodded and they both walked to their hover car in silence. The drive to the hospital was short but seemed drawn out by the tense atmosphere. The very air seemed to sing with the sad silence of unspoken words as Kathryn slumbered in the backseat. Tom and B'Elanna knew her fate rested with them and that they would surrender to emotion if anything was said about the dilemma at hand. Upon arriving at the hospital and leaving Kathryn to medical presonnel, B'Elanna sat in the waiting room and wept in her husband's arms just as he finally permitted himself to sob.

It took hours before they finally met a familiar face. By that time, they had regained some semblance of composure and B'Elanna had been content to lean on Tom's shoulder while they waited. The Doctor didn't look like he had anything good to report.

"By my estimates, she'll only live another hour," sighed the Doctor, as he clutched and looked over a PADD full of data on Kathryn's condition, "Maybe two if we keep her sedated…"

He made sure to look his former crewmates in the eye before issuing his next statement, "She's beyond hope."

Tom and B'Elanna winced at the announcement. They had just lost Chakotay and now they were going to lose Kathryn too.

"I have a decision for you two," he continued, "Do you want to wake her and talk to her before she goes or would you rather she die in her sleep? I must warn you, she might go into hysterics if we take her out of sedation."

B'Elanna looked at Tom meaningfully and knew they were thinking the same thing.

Struggling to swallow the lump in her throat, B'Elanna said with full confidence, "Wake her... S-she deserves her last few moments of consciousness."

The Doctor nodded and led them down the corridor to Kathryn's room. She lay there, so frail looking... The Doctor took a hypospray from the tray of medical tools at her bedside and administered it. She slowly opened her eyes.

She was delirious to say the least. The combination of drugs, her illness and the shock of her husband's death had definitely taken their toll but she was conscious nonetheless.

"I had the strangest dream," she said in a flighty tone that was almost a whisper.

She realized she wasn't in her bed upon turning her head and noticing her surroundings. She was too weak to move much else.

"What happened?" she asked, "Why am I here?"

She was obviously disoriented.

"You just had a little accident," said Tom, "Nothing big..."

"Oh..." she replied, still confused, "Where's Chakotay? I have to know… That dream…"

She looked like she was trying to remember something unpleasant and a slight frown seemed to form on her face.

Tom held one of Kathryn's hands as B'Elanna held the other. She noticed how red their eyes were.

"Were you two crying?"

Her eyes widened and she shook her head, "No... That was just a dream... Can't be... Chakotay's fine, right?"

B'Elanna lied with a nod.

Kathryn looked relieved and smiled weakly, "I'm glad."

The hospital room doors burst open as Harry Kim entered, "I came as soon as I heard. Left the mission early…"

He rushed to his former captain's side and looked at her with immense grief, "Captain Tuvok says he's sorry he can't come to say goodbye to his old friend. The mission required that he stay. Seven couldn't leave either."

"Goodbye? Why? I'm perfectly fine... Just a little drowsy, that's all. Haven't had a decent cup of coffee in awhile..."

She continued smiling up at the three of them, "You all look so sad. Don't worry."

Desperate to reassure them even as she barely clung to life, she continued to speak although her voice was beginning to fail her, "I'll be up on my feet in no time... Believe me."

Tiredness was overwhelming her but she tried to focus on then and there, "I just need a bit of sleep... I'm not going to die today..."

That reassurance was not just for them but for herself. She could see that they didn't believe her. She didn't believe herself either.

Her thoughts then drifted back to her husband, "So tell me... Where's Chakotay? He has a promise to keep..."

Tom suppressed his tears although he couldn't keep his voice from shaking as the lump in his throat became more difficult to swallow, "He just went out for a b-bit... He'll be with you soon."

"That's good... I just want to see him so badly... One last time."

She seemed to laugh, "I guess I am going to die today... Damn..."

"Could you tell him I'm sorry?" she said as her eyes met B'Elanna's.

Kathryn gently moved her fingers to entwine them with the hands of the two people who refused to let her go, "Never thought I'd be the one to break our promise..."

She seemed to be thinking out loud now, "He better get here soon... I don't know how much longer I can hang on..."

And still she smiled...

"I know he'll get here..."

She said those words with such confidence. Tom was having the hardest time keeping his tears in. He had seen Chakotay lying there. The man Kathryn was waiting for was a cold, hard, dead corpse. Something she would become as well...

"If there's one thing I know about Chakotay, it's that he'll never let me down... He'll get here."

Then her face seemed to register confusion...

Her eyes struggled to stay open, "Doctor, I think there's something wrong. Are my eyes open? I can't really see anything anymore..."

At those words, a sob escaped B'Elanna as Harry held her. She and Tom still firmly held Kathryn's hands.

The Doctor approached the bed and looked somber, "Yes, they're open. Admiral, you need your rest."

"Really?" she smiled staring up at all of them blankly, "Well, I am really tired... He'll probably be here when I wake up..."

Her smile seemed to grow, "He's always there when I wake up... "

"So... Tired..."

Her hands slackened in Tom and B'Elanna's. Those would prove to be her last words. Blue eyes bereft of life and a smile on her face, Kathryn Janeway passed on. The Doctor gently rested his hand on her eyelids and closed her dead gaze to the world forever. A gaze that had once sparkled with an intensity that rivaled the fire of blue stars... He noted how Death seemed to have chosen the perfect opportunity to take her. Kathryn almost never conceded to being tired and it seemed fitting that she surrendered her soul just as she finally verbally acknowledged a need to rest.

B'Elanna, Tom and Harry finally let grief overtake them realizing that Voyager's command team, the couple that had served as parents to their little family in the Delta Quadrant for seven years, would never be with them again.

"She was so happy," said B'Elanna as she cried, "She thought Chakotay was alright... That he'd come for her. I-I lied to her..."

Tom put his free arm around his wife's shoulders. They both still refused to let go of Kathryn's hands, "You needed to," he reassured her.

**OOO**

**Author's Note**: So shall I push my crappy reset button? Could take awhile though... It's done but it needs a serious overhaul.


	5. Epilogue :Warning: It's crappy:

**Disclaimer: **ST: VOY is not mine.

**Author's Note: **My response to Singing Violin's challenge. Alternate happy ending epilogue thingy… Forgive its utter craptasticness. Finally fixed it to a point where its passable to post... By the way, the title is a very bad pun on "cue." Don't you just hate _deus ex machina_? References are made to Death Wish and Endgame. Hopefully not too vague...

**Failure to Fight Fate**

**By mistress amethyst une**

**Epilogue: Q, Death and Fate**

"I'm never going to understand you two," sighed Q, "For sure, your Daddy won't be happy.

Death and Fate sat at yet another creative manifestation of the continuum. A lovely old bar was their choice of venue, not his... Death had a particular liking for Earth spirits. Both the alcoholic and human variants…

"What's it to you?" asked Death. It had taken the form of a young brunette human girl and was pointedly glaring at her fellow omnipotent with eyes that shone with cold black fire. Literally. Taking a seat on the bar stool next to him, her stare continued to smolder as if challenging him to question her decision again.

She grinned, "I've taken quite a few Q, you know. The ones that were executed, the casualties of that war and of course the individual who was the reason for the aforementioned… Quinn, right? He wanted me so very badly and you helped him be with me. You know, you could be with me too. I can kill omnipotent beings when given the proper circumstances. If you'd like, I could have Fate arrange something. I am utterly irresistible after all. Even you can learn to love the pleasures of Death. So… How would you like to die in ecstasy?"

Wryly, she touched his cheek and flashed a nasty smile.

"Now, now," said Q clearing his throat and taking her cold hand off his cheek, "As attractive as you are, you're just not my type. Besides, my mate would throw a fit and whatever would I tell my son? Only reason I'm allowed to be here is because she finally reconciled with me and has him for the time being. Can't go messing that up to run off with the most beautiful being in existence… I'm sure your Papa will let you off the hook. Eventually…"

"Still ever the flatterer," smiled Death, "Wine, please."

Q snapped his fingers and a crystal goblet full of red wine materialized before Death. She drank greedily as he sighed with relief. Damn scary woman…

"Nice to see you being a gentleman, Q," interjected Fate.

"Ah Fate," he remarked, "When have I been anything less?"

Fate, in turn, had also taken the form of a human female. She was a blonde and possessed the exact same tongues of black fire that Death had for eyes.

"Don't make me count," sighed Fate, "Anyway, we've always been hopeless romantics. Sure, Daddy's going to be pissed that we released those two from the curse but we thought they finally deserved to be happy."

"Here's to that," said Death raising her glass, "Papa holds grudges way too long…"

"Well, he is Time," said Q, "And those two were the first to mess with him. Ever."

"Ah yes, the angry warrior and his woman. Two of Daddy's favorite demigods..."

Fate rolled her eyes which was quite the strange sight conisdering they turned into pinwheels of black flame, "Geez, they found peace with each other despite coming from opposite sides of the spectrum. You should have seen it. The most beautiful romance the universe they inhabited had ever seen. Then he had to go and throw a hissy fit when she died. Honestly… Everything dies. Even immortals can die so why not his precious demigoddess? Ok, she was pregnant when she was taken and that must have really hurt but couldn't that boy let it go and not go to such extremes? He's the reason Daddy decided he would never take mortal form again."

Death laughed at her sister's interpretation of events, "Too true. He threatened Papa. Inflicted bodily harm on the corporeal form of Time itself... And Papa was just trying to comfort him too. Oh well, grief blinds everyone. He should have taken it up with me. Unlike Papa, I'm not opposed to making deals if the being and circumstances merit it. It takes a lot to break Death's heart but his sadness sure did the trick."

"Yeah, but you know Daddy. He hurled those two poor souls into this universe-"

"And cursed them to fall in love with each other through several lifetimes only to be painfully parted by Death and Fate each time," interrupted Q, sounding almost bored, "I know this tale of woe."

Death ignored him and shook her head sadly, "That was unusually cruel, even for Daddy. And using us as his means… It was unbearable pulling them apart again and again. Countless times…"

"Which is why we finally fixed it," smiled Fate, "Despite the fact that the woman decided to mess with my web and alter one of Papa's precious time lines. On purpose, mind you. We know accidents with the time lines are inevitable and we forgive those slights. But there is a reason for the damn Temporal Prime Directive. Took forever weaving that little rule into mortal minds once they discovered they could knowingly mess with Papa's work… Honestly, I wouldn't have messed them up so badly this time if that woman hadn't touched my web. I was overzealous, I confess. Well, at least I finally had the good sense to help undo this punishment once and for all."

"She had guts to take such a big risk by going back in time," said Death as she swirled the last of her wine, "I like gutsy. She died to get her crew home earlier and to keep her younger self from becoming so bitter. But then, she sort of failed since we messed around with her younger self too and made her utterly miserable anyway. Guts were still there though. I almost gave in when she yelled at me to give him back to her. Of course, I couldn't even if I had wanted to since his body had deteriorated too much to accommodate his soul again. Still, if I hadn't known any better, I'd have thought she could see me."

Q rolled his eyes at their idle chitchat and got straight to the point, "So what exactly did you do with Kathy and Chak?"

Fate practically beamed, "I pushed the reset button. Sent their souls to the life and time line where they were happiest…"

"Which is where?"

"Their most recent incarnations, of course," stated Death, "The ones you ran into in the Delta Quadrant…"

"And I gave them a gift for all the trouble eternity gave them," laughed Fate, "They better name it after me. It took a lot of weaving to get my web to produce the appropriate results. Basically, I slackened his self-restraint a wee bit before they reached Earth. He still fell in love with the Borg beauty though. I somehow couldn't weave that out. It was one of the knots Papa had thrown in there and it had been there in the previous time line anyway. Those two eventually overcame that knot but then that kind of took their biggest dream out of the picture because it delayed their relationship. Well, I eventually got it untied to hasten the process. Replaced it with a knot that brought the Borg girl and the poor holographic doctor together… I've always had a weakness for photonic souls."

"Yep," grinned Death, "Anyway, events proceeded in much the same way as they did before we had to step in and mess it up for the kill. Not that they hadn't been messed with enough in the Delta Quadrant… With Fate having woven a lot of the inhibition out of him, they finally got what they'd always dreamed of. And I vowed to leave their lives untouched until their souls required rest. Basically, they won't be having any unfortunate accidents from now on. A pleasant future is secured."

**OOO**

Kathryn stroked the curve of her engorged belly even as she sat on her rocking chair in the quiet of her study. She was five months along and, a week ago, Chakotay had presented her with the chair for her birthday. He'd carved it himself and she was very much pleased with it. The child was due in September and they had mutually agreed on a middle name just yesterday as she had sat in the very same spot.

"_Fate," she smiled, as she enjoyed the gentle rocking "It's just so perfect. This child is the fulfillment of a destiny to be welcomed instead of wrestled with…"_

"_And it works for both genders," he chuckled as he stood behind her._

"_Now, now… What about his or her first name?"_

_He kissed her forehead, "I'll let you decide that. I'll name the next one…"_

_She arched an eyebrow at him, "Next one? How many children do you intend for me to pop out?"_

_He grinned at her, "Seven."_

_She frowned slightly, "Ah yes… The borg designation of your ex…"_

_His face fell, "That was not what I meant at all."_

"_Then what?"_

"_Oh, I don't know… One for every year in the Delta Quadrant wherein you didn't sleep with me."_

_She punched him in the shoulder._

_"Ow... What was that for?"_

_She shrugged, "Oh nothing... Now get going. I have something special prepared for tonight and I don't want you seeing it yet."_

_"What's the occasion?"_

_"Does there need to be an occasion? I just thought we'd do something romantic... When the baby's born, we won't have as much time for 'amorous ventures.' Besides, I haven't properly thanked you for the chair yet."_

_"The last time we did something romantic, I fell down a flight of stairs, sprained my ankle and knocked you up."_

_She raised an eyebrow at him again, "Is that any way to be describing our first anniversary?"_

_He grinned at her, "Just promise me... No more rose petal trails."_

_She smiled, "Deal." _

Well, last night had been thoroughly enjoyable. A romantic candlelit dinner, fine wine and a restful slumber in her husband's arms... It was exactly what she had needed after she'd been plagued by bad dreams for nights on end. She couldn't exactly remember the content of each nightmare but she'd found herself crying after awakening from each one. They were such vivid scenes...

In those dreams, she'd seen herself out of control and raging at Chakotay. She couldn't comprehend ever acting like that. Furthermore, the last two dreams had culminated with Chakotay's death swiftly followed by her own. She shuddered. Were those dreams a side effect of the pregnancy? She was fortunate that her husband had held her through all of the tears she shed because of those nightmares. They just seemed so real. Too real...

She sighed as she continued the gentle rhythmic rocking of her chair. The dreams had stopped plaguing her just last night. All she could hope for was that they would never visit her again...

Slowly, she closed her eyes and surrendered to slumber. As she dozed off, two women emerged out of nothingness. A blonde and a brunette both with black flames licking at the sockets where their eyes should be...

"A few loose threads?" asked the brunette.

"You could say that," replied the blonde. She gently rested a hand on the forehead of Kathryn's sleeping form.

Fate smiled, "I do apologize... But there was no way to completely weave those strings out. This was the only way I could think of to make sure those events wouldn't ever come into reality again. Take care, Admiral."

And, in an instant, they were gone...

**OOO**

**Author's Note: **So, is it bad? I hope the supernatural element wasn't too off-putting. If it counts for anything, this epilogue is an optional read for those who want a happy ending and can be disregarded. :)


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